Jesus' Teaching on Marriage and Divorce

Study of Matthew 19:1-12; Mark 10:1-12

When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan; and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.”
— Matthew 19:1-12

Getting up, He went from there to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan; crowds gathered around Him again, and, according to His custom, He once more began to teach them. Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”
— Mark 10:1-12

From Galilee Jesus went to Perea, the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. The Pharisees would know where Jesus is because of His multitude of followers. While healing and teaching, the Pharisees sought to entrap Him with their controversial questions about sexual ethics. They are in Herod's jurisdiction and John the Baptist was murdered because he confronted Herod's sexual immorality. They asked “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” However Jesus answers, there will be a segment of the audience that would be unhappy.

Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible explains the controversy:

"Jewish teachers in general regarded divorce as tragic but the choice of the husband; they would not normally interfere. Although wealth could buy exceptions for powerful women, the usual Judean custom was that only the husband had the option of divorce. (If the husband were abusive, however, a court could force him to grant his wife a divorce.) There were two schools of thought among the Pharisees: the school of Shammai and the school of Hillel. Shammaites outnumbered Hillelites in Jesus’ day (unlike after AD 70), but various ancient sources suggest that on the question of divorce the Hillelite view probably reflected the dominant practice in the larger society (cf. Sirach 25:26; Josephus, Antiquities 4.253; Life 415, 426). Shammaites interpreted the grounds for divorce in Dt 24:1 (“something indecent about her,” emphasizing indecent) as a reference to the wife’s unfaithfulness; by contrast, Hillelites emphasized the word something and believed that a husband could divorce his wife for any cause (rendered here “for any and every reason”). Some sages recommended divorcing a disrespectful or disobedient wife (Sirach 25:25–26). Although few husbands would have taken advantage of the rule, Hillelites graphically claimed that a husband could divorce his wife even for burning the bread; a later Hillelite rabbi added, “or if he finds someone more beautiful” (in the Mishnah see Gittin 9:10; Sipre Dt 269.1.1)."

Bringing up the authority of Scripture, Jesus asked them in return, “What did Moses command you?” They pointed out that Moses permitted divorce.

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance.
— Deuteronomy 24:1-4

Jesus then asked them an insulting question if they, the religious experts, haven't read Scripture farther back to God's original design for marriage. Why start with Moses and divorce and not from the beginning when God instituted marriage in Genesis?

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
— Genesis 1:27

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
— Genesis 2:24

God created a single male and a single female, not a male and females nor males and a female. Humans are relational creatures being made in the image of the Trinity. God only created two genders, male and female, and joined them together as one flesh-- a  monogamous, intimate, complementary relationship that is codependent with each other in every area of their life. They are to leave their parents' care and authority and form a new independent family with new authority structure, the husband as leader, provider, protector, nourisher and the wife as partner, helper, supporter, homemaker (Titus 2:5). Peter said husbands and wives are co-heirs of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7), marriage, which is the best and foremost of all human relationships.

Paul later taught about the deep mystery of marriage as a reflection of Christ's relationship with His church.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
— Ephesians 5:22-33

Jesus commanded them "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” God is the grand weaver of fate that brings man and wife together in marriage but man seeks to destroy God's beautiful work in divorce. Separating the marriage relationship cannot be done without permanent damage to both and other people involved in their lives. The Pharisees then asked the obvious question, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Was Jesus contradicting Moses?

Jesus answered “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Nelson's Illustrated Bible Dictionary says this:

"The Law of Moses allowed a man to divorce his wife when she found “no favor in his eyes, because he has found some uncleanness in her” (Deut. 24:1). The primary purpose of this legislation was to prevent him from taking her again after she had married another man—“an abomination before the LORD” (Deut. 24:4). This law was intended to discourage, rather than encourage, divorce. A public document known as a “certificate of divorce” was granted the woman. This permitted her the right to remarry without civil or religious sanction. Divorce could not be done privately. The Mosaic Law called for severe penalties for certain types of “uncleanness.” Adultery carried the death penalty by stoning for the woman. If a man believed that his wife was not a virgin when he married her, he could have her judged by the elders of the city. If they found her guilty, she could be put to death (Deut. 22:13–21). Although a man was allowed to divorce his wife, the wife was not allowed to divorce her husband for any reason. Legally the wife was bound to her husband as long as they both lived or until he divorced her (1 Cor. 7:39)."

What Moses meant as a restriction for divorce, they used as license to abuse. Their hearts are hard and unforgiving that they escape marital problems by destroying the marriage through divorce instead of seeking forgiveness and reconciliation. The very instrument God has given to restrain sexual immorality has been used to endorse and propagate adultery in the land. They have turned the purpose of marriage upside down. Because of that, more than 400 years ago God rebuked them:

“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
— Malachi 2:13-16

Marriage is a tripartite covenant between husband, wife, and God. The disciples see the lifetime permanence of marriage as hard and unattainable and concluded it is better not to marry. But God said from the beginning, “It is not good for the man to be alone" and gave "a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18), so "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22).

Jesus replied “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.”

While it's possible to be single for life, that's not for everyone because God intends mankind to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth (Gen 1:28). Only to those who are born with very little or no sexual desire can live a lifetime of chastity. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9). Eunuchs made by men are those who are emasculated.

NKJV Study Bible defines it: 

"Emasculated means that all or part of the sexual organs had been removed. This was done to men who were put in charge of harems to prevent intercourse with the women. It was also a pagan religious practice. Genital mutilation was prohibited in Israel. (Deuteronomy 23:1)"

There are also those who are devoted to the Lord and His kingdom that they chose to be eunuchs. As Paul said:

But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.
— 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

So Jesus said that only "He who is able to accept this, let him accept it." But that's the exception not the norm. Paul says "But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband (1 Corinthians 7:2-3)."  Paul balances it saying "Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches" (1 Corinthians 7:17).

For those who are married and plan to marry. We are to obey God's purpose for marriage and marry only a genuine believer to avoid causing each other to stumble and end up in divorce.

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?
— 2 Corinthians 6:14

A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
— 1 Corinthians 7:39

We are to keep the marriage relationship intact and nurture it with love and commitment to our covenant with the Lord and our spouse. Knowing that God hates divorce, we should do everything we can to prevent it even in cases that one became a believer when already married to an unbeliever. However, in cases that an unbelieving spouse initiates and demands divorce, God's word allows only two valid reasons for remarrying, sexual immorality and abandonment of the unbelieving spouse. Otherwise, even if remarriage is legal in man's law, it is adultery to God's law.

But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
— 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

J.C. Ryle concludes:

"It becomes all those who are married, or purpose marriage, to ponder well the teaching of our Lord Jesus Christ in this passage. Of all relations of life, none ought to be regarded with such reverence, and none taken in hand so cautiously as the relation of husband and wife.

In no relation is so much earthly happiness to be found, if it be entered upon discreetly, advisedly, and in the fear of God. In none is so much misery seen to follow, if it be taken in hand unadvisedly, lightly, wantonly, and without thought. From no step in life does so much benefit come to the soul, if people marry "in the Lord." From none does the soul take so much harm, if fancy, passion, or any mere worldly motive is the only cause which produce the union.

Solomon was the wisest of men. "Was it not because of marriages like these that Solomon king of Israel sinned? Among the many nations there was no king like him. He was loved by his God, and God made him king over all Israel, but even he was led into sin by foreign women." (Neh. 13:26.)

There is, unhappily, only too much necessity for impressing these truths upon people. It is a mournful fact, that few steps in life are generally taken with so much levity, self-will, and forgetfulness of God as marriage. Few are the young couples who think of inviting Christ to their wedding! It is a mournful fact that unhappy marriages are one great cause of the misery and sorrow of which there is so much in the world. People find out too late that they have made a mistake, and go in bitterness all their days.

Happy are they, who in the matter of marriage observe three rules. The first is to marry only in the Lord, and after prayer for God's approval and blessing. The second is not to expect too much from their partners, and to remember that marriage is, after all, the union of two sinners, and not of two angels. The third rule is to strive first and foremost for one another's sanctification. The more holy married people are, the happier they are. "Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify it." (Eph. 5:25, 26.)"